Good Afternoon,
I wanted to get this post out before the break so that we can spend our time thinking about Love and Logic over the next four days.
Three things we would like you to reflect on before our next meeting on November 10:
1) In our last discussion we asked the question on the topic of whether we should get angry at times to let the students know we are serious. As a follow-up to that question, share your thoughts on whether, in the Love and Logic paradigm, it is acceptable to get angry at students.
2) What alternatives do you use when students are acting inappropriately in class but a trip to Mr. Verboomen is not the right choice?
3) What methods have you found to be useful in building relationships with tough students?
Enjoy your break!
1) I was speaking with another teacher and we both agreed that as a general rule, showing empathy is what we do everyday. We teach and interact with kindness, respect, empathy, so therefore it is natural to expect that same treatment in return. When kids behave in a way that does not send that message, I also think it is natural to get "angry." I equate this to parenting. I love my children ALL THE TIME, but I also get angry or upset at times. Perhaps the key is how you show it....with a very real sense of care and respect and unconditional acceptance.
ReplyDelete2) I have been wondering a great deal of alternative consequences.....other than the usual time after school, or confiscating any materials, I am interested in what others have to say.
3) Building relationships, like Love and logic, will only work if there is a sincere interest to do so. Asking questions, listening intently, and accepting different points of view help build relationships. I also treat kids, the way I would want my own children to be treated by their teacher. Follow your instincts.
1. I agree with Kelly. We do teach everyday with kindness, respect...we treat our students the way we want to be treated. Getting "angry" is something that will happen. But i agree too, it is how you show it. Being angry, flying off the handle by yelling and disrepecting will not get you anywhere. If you get angry but keep the respect and empathy aspect, I think you will probably get better results and the relationship with the kids will be better too.
ReplyDelete2. I don't think I have sent a kid to Mr. Verboomen yet. I have been here 6 years now. (but not to say that I havent' thought about it:)) Am I making the right decision? I don't know. I do have one difficult student this year where I am not sure what to do. I have tried a lot of different things like talking, compromising, using the "I know, I know". Now I am going to implement a behavoir rubric (Thank you Billie for sharing this) that will have an impact on his grade-the 10% of nonacadmic. So starting term 2, we will see how effective this will be.
3. I talk a lot to students and let them know that I will not give up on them. The one difficult student I have this year told me that he doesn't understand why I just don't give up on him becuase everyone else had. To me, that sends a HUGE message. I need to keep talking to him. But at the same time, he does need to face any consequences.
1)Getting angry at students is understandable and maybe, on occasion, acceptable, even in the Love and Logic paradigm; but, as previous commenters point out, how we show (or don't) that anger is key. Instead of yelling, threatening, and focusing on punishing; Love and Logic makes us channell or redirect that anger into empathy and makes us focus on problem-solving.
ReplyDelete2) When students act inappropriately in class, but involving the Dean's office isn't the best option, I have found "the usual" consequences to be pretty effective. Having to attone for time wasted behaving inappropriately with your own "free" time is one of the methods that for whatever reason, has really gotten the point across for many kids; upperclassmen especially dislike having to forgo an opportunity to go out to lunch or leave "early" on extended learning days. I also have had students who were distracting others make an apology to their peers- which reinforces the idea that it's not "just me" who has expectations and needs for a quiet, productive learning environment. And sometimes, students who are acting inapproriately just need a change of pace, scenery or task. I've asked fidgety kids to help me with a "project", be a "peer-teacher assistants" while other kids finish their work, or offered choices of something else for them to work on. Finally, mostly as a last resort, I've suggested kids "take a break" or "go on a little walk" to regroup and get their attitude and behaviors in control. Most of the time, they return to class ready to learn.
3) Patience and a little flexibility can help build relationships with tough students. "Choosing your battles" and offering the student choices (within reason) is key. I also try to be as positive as possible. When I feel like criticizing, I make it a point to compliment instead (or before I have to say something negative).
1) Getting angry may be acceptable at times depending on the circumstance. However, I would rather show that I am disappointed instead of angry. Anger translates to a power struggle that can continue to escalate, with no resolution happening.
ReplyDelete2) A strategy I have used when I student is being disruptive is making them take a walk around outside the classroom for a minute or two. I found that when the student is removed from the situation that is distracting him/her, it allows them to gather their thoughts/emotions (or calk down) and come back to class in a different mind-set.
3) Being patient and understanding (within reason) can go a long way with students who give lots of trouble. Also, listening to what their side of the story is, asking them about their weekend, discussing bands they may like, etc. helps you learn about what they do outside of school so that you can get to know who they really are.
1. Anger is a natural human emotion which only becomes a problem if we deal with it inappropriately. When I am sensing that I am getting angry with a student, I remind myself to step back from the situation and get my anger in check before interacting more with the student. I take a "time out" from the student. I have told students that I am to upset to talk to them right now and that I will talk to them about the situation later once I am not so upset. Anger is a complex emotion that often has many layers that we sometimes need to peel back to get to the root of it. Students need to see good role models of how to handle anger. I think we do a disservice to our students if we appear too perfect/never angry. Feeling angry and not exploding, but addressing it appropriately and working towards a solution is a good way to teach students how to handle their own anger.
ReplyDelete2.I try not to focus too much on the behavior in front of the class and wait to address it once everyone else is busy working. Talking with the student privately about the issue and listening to them about what is bothering them works the best. They usually will get back to work after having time to vent. If the problem continues, I will email or call parents about the problem.
3. The biggest thing is not judging them, but trying understand where they are coming from. I also think celebrating their successes are huge. I try to have unexpected class celebrations as well, to add to the community of the class. I do not put any requirement to be part of the celebration. Everyone gets to participate. I have had students tell me that they don't think they should be part of it because of their behavior, and I always tell them that they get to be part of the celebration because they are part of the class. I have seen improved behavior from them in the future.
1. In the band word, much like any team, we work together for one common goal. Although it may not fully align with Love and Logic, I have found that showing a little emotion, be it anger or frustration can act as a pretty successful motivator. The key, as several have said already, is frequency, it would likely not have the same, or any impact if it became common.
ReplyDelete2. I don’t have many big problems, but with 50 students spread out in a large room hiding behind instruments and stands it is very difficult for me to see everything. A “cut it out I can see you” look usually is enough to take care of it.
3. I make an extra effort to talk to the students a bit outside of class. See how they are doing if I pass them in the commons, or when the drop their instruments off in the band locker room. Or in the minute or two between pieces during class check in with different students and see how they are doing.
I hope this works...
ReplyDelete1) I am human. I get angry. How I deal with and respond to that anger is one of the ways that I feel that I am defined: As a human being, as a teacher, as a parent, and as a friend. It is still difficult for me to not go into my "Military Chuck" mode. In my military career I was known to be able to "dress down" people to the point of tears. I once made my division officer (a Lieutenant)cry like a baby for not sticking up for his men. Frankly, I was good at it. For me to do that with a student (as far as I know) would be wholly inappropriate. Yet I still fight the urge, and I often wonder if having students see me get angry would help.
I am beginning to feel that we as a society have lost some sense of discipline; that young people today are never truly consequenced for their actions. I personally feel that that responsibility rests on the shoulders of their parents. Perhaps if they spent less time trying to be their kid's buddies, and more time being their parents, we would not have to deal with this as often. Inevitably, no matter how I slice it, it is still my situation to deal with.
To get back to my point...
...Angry doesen't work with a lot of today's students. They react the same way they are allowed to react at home: a lot of them get belligerent, resentful, and vindictive. I can't fix what goes on at home -- I can only fix what happens in my classroom. Sometimes that means I have to kiss ass to get it done. I don't like it, but there it is. Otherwise...
2) Back in "the day", I had an "Industrial Arts" teacher (tech ed teacher for those of you who aren't familiar) who handled his problems right in the room. When a kid smarted off he would simply lift them off of the floor by the shirt, slam them against a locker, get his nose within an inch of the student's nose, and ask the just what the $#^@& their problem was. I also like to handle things "in house", just not in the same way. Unfortunately, I have had students who simply can't let me do that. I would love to be more creative with consequences, but we as teachers walk a fine line between corporal pnishment, and "corrective discipine". Frankly, I would never make a student write as as punishment, but I have at least one colleague who does. I can't make students clean my room, because it has no direct relationship to their learning and is really therefore useless, but I have at least one colleague who does, in spite of the fact that it can be labelled as corporal punishment. Thumbscrews are out of the question, and I have retired my meat hooks. I am still looking for options.
3)For me accountability begins with getting your work done. Any time I have had a student stay after school, or to make up time, they have had to be productive. Not in terms of cleaning the room, but in getting their work done, making up late work, or resubmitting previous work. I have actually had students thank me for giving them these opportunities, which leads to me asking the question: "Why don't you take the time on your own?"